So, let's fast forward to this year. I was embarking on the 7th month of the year, and the number 7 means completion. Boy, did I complete some things! I had just completed an entire year of healthier living. I was running 5K and 10K races, climbing mountains for fun, and making better choices when it came to my eating habits. Just as I was getting into the grove of living a healthier lifestyle, my professional life was falling apart. I started to become restless and resentful at work. Working as a Paralegal for almost five years had never been my dream, but it was what I had settled for. I always envisioned myself working at Essence Magazine in a creative environment focusing on music, fashion, and beauty. Or owning a boutique that would carry my very own nail polish line and greeting card collection. I even pictured myself being a fierce make up artist that traveled around the world enhancing people's beauty and beating their faces to the gods! Those dreams were surely fading away. I felt like a mouse on a sticky trap, going nowhere fast. I cried about it, it complained about it, and then I prayed about it. I got an answer, but it wasn't the one I wanted to hear. "Quit my job!? Who me...I can't do that. I have bills to pay, I don't have any money saved, and more importantly I don't have another job lined up!" I went back and forth with God for a while, but the answer remained the same. So, hesitantly I set a date to turn in my resignation and 24 days into the month of July I worked my last day as a Paralegal. It was finished...but what next!? I didn't have a definitive answer to the question at hand. I trusted that in due time God would reveal the next step. I was scared out of my mind but I knew I couldn't allow fear to continue to talk me out of my destiny.
Ironically (or not so ironically) my last day of work was the same day that I was leaving to go on vacation to New York. My first stop was up state to Buffalo for my family reunion. It did my heart good to spend time with my loved ones. However, I really wasn't able to fully enjoy myself because lurking in the back of my mind was the reality that when I returned to Atlanta I did not have a job waiting for me. I had to continuously remind myself that my steps are ordered by God and that I would be just fine. The struggle going on in my mind was SO REAL, but I did the best I could to be in the moment and enjoy my family. The next stop on my vacay was Brooklyn!!! My best friend who lives in Brooklyn had asked me months ago to come and catch Beyonce aka The Mrs. Carters Show with her. Coincidentally (or so it seemed) the concert was a week after my family reunion and I would already be in the state of New York. I took an 8 hour train ride from Upstate New York into the city. During the train ride God spoke to me and said, "I am taking you on a journey, be open to the experience, and do not be afraid". In my head I was thinking Who me...I am not ready for that! In my heart I knew what God was saying but again, I wasn't trying to hear what was really being spoken to me. I figured I would come see Beyonce in concert, spend about a week with my BFF, get some energy and motivation from the concrete jungle, and then head back to Atlanta to hit the ground running to make my dreams a reality. Humph, God had other plans!
The concert came and went. I was enjoying my stay in New York, but in my mind I was quietly thinking to myself (as if God couldn't here me) I could never live here! There are too many rats, I hate riding the subway, and it's so EXPENSIVE!!!! As the days went on I was ready to get back to the comfort of Atlanta and figuring out my next move. I knew as the end of the week was quickly approaching, I needed to make travel arrangements to get back home. However, every time I attempted to look up a flight, I would hear God repeating the same thing he told me on the train ride, "I am taking you on a journey, be open to the experience, and do not be afraid." Really God!? I tried to ignore YOU when you said it the first time...but are you really telling me that I need to stay in New York!? Who...me!? I know He had heard me when I said I could never live here, so I couldn't understand why we were still having this conversation. *insert deep sigh* I don't know why I was questioning God. Everything within me already knew that staying in New York was not what I wanted to do, but it is what I had to do. As the saying goes "In order to get something that you've never had, you have to do something that you've never done". I desperately wanted to run back to Atlanta to be with my mom, hangout with my friends, and ride in the comfort of my SUV instead of the griminess of the subway that had been my reality for the last two weeks. I knew that I had a place to stay in New York, but it wasn't home. Not to mention that the only thing I had with me was ONE suitcase full of vacation clothes. Yet, with all the emotion, fear, and discomfort going on in my head, my heart and my spirit were still saying...STAY!
I am three weeks in, trying to get the hang of this New York living. I cried for days as I embraced this new journey that I was embarking on. Through the tears, God ministered to me and told me that this journey is not about New York. It is about me having enough faith in Him and believing that He will make provisions for me daily. He is making me uncomfortable to be comfortable! He has to stretch me so I can reach my goals and live the life I always wanted to live and not just dream about it. I am pushing past my emotions of being afraid and allowing God to lead me. I am taking it one moment at a time, because right now that is all I can handle. It has been a struggle to silence the voice of fear and regret. Everyday I ask myself, "Did I make the right decision"!? Just when I feel an emotional breakdown setting in, God gently pulls me back in and reassures me that my steps are ordered and His grace is sufficient. He speaks to me through my loved ones daily and constantly confirms that I am on the right path. He also reminds me that just because it is the right path doesn't meant that it is going to be easy. I am learning to really believe in myself and know that I deserve to live my BEST life now. I am on a mission to find myself, to really explore the true essence of who I am, and to do the work that I always dreamed of doing. So as you can see I am that girl who is fifty pounds lighter, jobless, and living out her LoveLea Experience in New York...what's next you ask!? Stay tuned....
Ironically (or not so ironically) my last day of work was the same day that I was leaving to go on vacation to New York. My first stop was up state to Buffalo for my family reunion. It did my heart good to spend time with my loved ones. However, I really wasn't able to fully enjoy myself because lurking in the back of my mind was the reality that when I returned to Atlanta I did not have a job waiting for me. I had to continuously remind myself that my steps are ordered by God and that I would be just fine. The struggle going on in my mind was SO REAL, but I did the best I could to be in the moment and enjoy my family. The next stop on my vacay was Brooklyn!!! My best friend who lives in Brooklyn had asked me months ago to come and catch Beyonce aka The Mrs. Carters Show with her. Coincidentally (or so it seemed) the concert was a week after my family reunion and I would already be in the state of New York. I took an 8 hour train ride from Upstate New York into the city. During the train ride God spoke to me and said, "I am taking you on a journey, be open to the experience, and do not be afraid". In my head I was thinking Who me...I am not ready for that! In my heart I knew what God was saying but again, I wasn't trying to hear what was really being spoken to me. I figured I would come see Beyonce in concert, spend about a week with my BFF, get some energy and motivation from the concrete jungle, and then head back to Atlanta to hit the ground running to make my dreams a reality. Humph, God had other plans!
The concert came and went. I was enjoying my stay in New York, but in my mind I was quietly thinking to myself (as if God couldn't here me) I could never live here! There are too many rats, I hate riding the subway, and it's so EXPENSIVE!!!! As the days went on I was ready to get back to the comfort of Atlanta and figuring out my next move. I knew as the end of the week was quickly approaching, I needed to make travel arrangements to get back home. However, every time I attempted to look up a flight, I would hear God repeating the same thing he told me on the train ride, "I am taking you on a journey, be open to the experience, and do not be afraid." Really God!? I tried to ignore YOU when you said it the first time...but are you really telling me that I need to stay in New York!? Who...me!? I know He had heard me when I said I could never live here, so I couldn't understand why we were still having this conversation. *insert deep sigh* I don't know why I was questioning God. Everything within me already knew that staying in New York was not what I wanted to do, but it is what I had to do. As the saying goes "In order to get something that you've never had, you have to do something that you've never done". I desperately wanted to run back to Atlanta to be with my mom, hangout with my friends, and ride in the comfort of my SUV instead of the griminess of the subway that had been my reality for the last two weeks. I knew that I had a place to stay in New York, but it wasn't home. Not to mention that the only thing I had with me was ONE suitcase full of vacation clothes. Yet, with all the emotion, fear, and discomfort going on in my head, my heart and my spirit were still saying...STAY!
I am three weeks in, trying to get the hang of this New York living. I cried for days as I embraced this new journey that I was embarking on. Through the tears, God ministered to me and told me that this journey is not about New York. It is about me having enough faith in Him and believing that He will make provisions for me daily. He is making me uncomfortable to be comfortable! He has to stretch me so I can reach my goals and live the life I always wanted to live and not just dream about it. I am pushing past my emotions of being afraid and allowing God to lead me. I am taking it one moment at a time, because right now that is all I can handle. It has been a struggle to silence the voice of fear and regret. Everyday I ask myself, "Did I make the right decision"!? Just when I feel an emotional breakdown setting in, God gently pulls me back in and reassures me that my steps are ordered and His grace is sufficient. He speaks to me through my loved ones daily and constantly confirms that I am on the right path. He also reminds me that just because it is the right path doesn't meant that it is going to be easy. I am learning to really believe in myself and know that I deserve to live my BEST life now. I am on a mission to find myself, to really explore the true essence of who I am, and to do the work that I always dreamed of doing. So as you can see I am that girl who is fifty pounds lighter, jobless, and living out her LoveLea Experience in New York...what's next you ask!? Stay tuned....
